At the moment I live in the fear of internet-powered social networking. Well, it isn't really fear, it's just that I've learned that I'm too much of a scatterbrain for my own good. I learned that I'm a person who's easily distracted.
Essentially, my almost 24/7 online status on Trillian wasn't a good thing for me. Access to thousands of software and cracks for which on Torrents weren't a good thing for me. So now, I limit myself to observation instead of participation. In the age of RSS feeds, and services like twitter, I try to keep my footprint on the web to a bare mininimum.
I try my best to keep the urls of my blogs to myself. I troll more than I post. I read about online games and other forms of generic techie-based geekery, instead of downloading clients, and wading in various private servers. The only game in the home PC at fairview is a ten-year-old RTS, and my only vice geekish soul right now involve monthy purchases of one or two collectibe game cards.
I know I need focus right now, and I do my best to avoid the Wired. It's a space that swallows me whole.
Work on work days. Family on weekends. Love after shifts; and my once a week bouts of online manga, collectible card-game news, and classic PC gaming. I have my life in schedule right now and it's moving like clockwork. Sorry. No distractions for me right now. No new online projects, no access to the wired world, no conventions or conflagrations... just smooth clockwork.
I hope people who find out I'm annoyed when they know my blog URL don't take it personally.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
"Foozrabah"
There. I feel better.
No, I'm still ill. I'm no longer flustered over what I read though. I'm happy where I am now, and more importantly, where we are now.
No need to pick at old wounds.
...Be happy with what you have, everything else will follow.
...Know in your heart that everything is alright, and everything will be.
...Work hard because you are content, not because you are in despair.
...Love others.
No, I'm still ill. I'm no longer flustered over what I read though. I'm happy where I am now, and more importantly, where we are now.
No need to pick at old wounds.
...Be happy with what you have, everything else will follow.
...Know in your heart that everything is alright, and everything will be.
...Work hard because you are content, not because you are in despair.
...Love others.
"What are you allergic to?"
"...everything"
I'm sick. My right ear is currently diagnosed with swimmer's ear, and my left ear seems to coming down with the same condition.
So far the pain and swelling part of the symptom checklist is manifested in my left ear. No, pus or hearing impairments yet - which is what my right ear is currently going through. It's damned annoying and it's damned distracting. It's like having a swollen potato for an ear.
Anyhow, the pulsating pain is making it difficult for me to complete Kristine's layout for her LJ and her WordPress on her 110mb account. What makes my day worse is that last night while I was uploading stuff, the power cut. That kinda ruined half-a-day's work. It also made the second floor of our house hot and humid as hell.
The heat forced me to find one of those mattress things that's half an ottoman, half a day bed, and place it beside a reasonably cold window and try to get some shuteye there. Come around 3am, I wake up because that's the hour I have to apply some eardrops on my pulsating orifice, and I discover that my allergies have acted up again.
So that's where I am right now: I have a throbbing useless ear, and half my skin area is covered in allergy induced sores. I'm drunk from the Benadryl. I'm half deaf from the eardrops. My other ear is in pain. My taste buds aren't working due to the pain-killers - that seem to have lost their effectiveness at things other than making watter taste weird. My muscles are sore. My back is popping. My eyes feel like oddly shaped rocks some idiot picked up from some arid dessert and stuffed into my eye sockets.
I am ill.
It's annoying because Kristine wants me home, and she still wants her layouts done. It's exasperating because I have work on Tuesday, and I have bills to pay on Friday. It's such a pain because I and I still have to explain to her why her layouts aren't done, why we can't buy a PS2 at the end of the month, why I don't think I'm psychically fit to make a 2 hour journey from the north of Quezon City to the southern corner of Makati.
The blog post I read, didn't help either.
The ref, the cabinet, the closet, the PC table, the TV, the bookshelf, the clothes drawer, half the sandman books, and the DVDs are mine. I found the apartment where we're living in right now. I covered the deposit of the apartment we used to live in. I paid for you for two months without holding it against you, when you were the one who was looking through job listings. But I don't say that do I?
I'm unhappy because, whenever I have something to do for myself, you feel like throwing a hissy fit that demands all my attention, but I don't say that do I? I'm annoyed that you when you're angry, by default, I either try to appease, apologize, or comfort; when I'm angry, you cry or you get angry back. Don't you see? I can never, ever, ever tell you that I felt that you did something wrong without you being mad at me for it.
I'm annoyed that after we discuss plans to save money, or spend certain ways, you just want things... for no reason other than that other people have them.
I'm annoyed that you're never happy with what you have, I'm not even talking about stuff... I'm talking about your mom and dad.
I'm annoyed that you say I don't listen when you try to say things, but you never answer my questions or even look me in the eye when I try to talk - you only talk when I'm already past the point of frustration with you, or when you're already in the mood to shout, and demean. But I don't say all that do I?
They say "through thick or thin." Well, I think in our case it's "be happy when it's thick, and go nutters on him from time to time when it's thin by telling him he's 'not trying hard enough', until it's thick again."
I'm trying just as hard as I am now, than I was at the start of the year. Only now my salary is larger than yours, whereas back then my salary was nil. So what's the difference? Why were you more unhappy back then than now? It certainly wasn't the effort was it? It's the results that's appreciated right? Not the effort. Perhaps the though process here is that I go carry my body weight, and you go carry yours. Well, that's now how it works, if I'm wrong and it is; well, that's not how I want it to work.
I probably should spend most of my mental time someplace else now. I should follow my own advice, that some things are only problems when you think they are.
I think I'm starting to get allergic to all this.
I'm sick. My right ear is currently diagnosed with swimmer's ear, and my left ear seems to coming down with the same condition.
So far the pain and swelling part of the symptom checklist is manifested in my left ear. No, pus or hearing impairments yet - which is what my right ear is currently going through. It's damned annoying and it's damned distracting. It's like having a swollen potato for an ear.
Anyhow, the pulsating pain is making it difficult for me to complete Kristine's layout for her LJ and her WordPress on her 110mb account. What makes my day worse is that last night while I was uploading stuff, the power cut. That kinda ruined half-a-day's work. It also made the second floor of our house hot and humid as hell.
The heat forced me to find one of those mattress things that's half an ottoman, half a day bed, and place it beside a reasonably cold window and try to get some shuteye there. Come around 3am, I wake up because that's the hour I have to apply some eardrops on my pulsating orifice, and I discover that my allergies have acted up again.
So that's where I am right now: I have a throbbing useless ear, and half my skin area is covered in allergy induced sores. I'm drunk from the Benadryl. I'm half deaf from the eardrops. My other ear is in pain. My taste buds aren't working due to the pain-killers - that seem to have lost their effectiveness at things other than making watter taste weird. My muscles are sore. My back is popping. My eyes feel like oddly shaped rocks some idiot picked up from some arid dessert and stuffed into my eye sockets.
I am ill.
It's annoying because Kristine wants me home, and she still wants her layouts done. It's exasperating because I have work on Tuesday, and I have bills to pay on Friday. It's such a pain because I and I still have to explain to her why her layouts aren't done, why we can't buy a PS2 at the end of the month, why I don't think I'm psychically fit to make a 2 hour journey from the north of Quezon City to the southern corner of Makati.
The blog post I read, didn't help either.
The ref, the cabinet, the closet, the PC table, the TV, the bookshelf, the clothes drawer, half the sandman books, and the DVDs are mine. I found the apartment where we're living in right now. I covered the deposit of the apartment we used to live in. I paid for you for two months without holding it against you, when you were the one who was looking through job listings. But I don't say that do I?
I'm unhappy because, whenever I have something to do for myself, you feel like throwing a hissy fit that demands all my attention, but I don't say that do I? I'm annoyed that you when you're angry, by default, I either try to appease, apologize, or comfort; when I'm angry, you cry or you get angry back. Don't you see? I can never, ever, ever tell you that I felt that you did something wrong without you being mad at me for it.
I'm annoyed that after we discuss plans to save money, or spend certain ways, you just want things... for no reason other than that other people have them.
I'm annoyed that you're never happy with what you have, I'm not even talking about stuff... I'm talking about your mom and dad.
I'm annoyed that you say I don't listen when you try to say things, but you never answer my questions or even look me in the eye when I try to talk - you only talk when I'm already past the point of frustration with you, or when you're already in the mood to shout, and demean. But I don't say all that do I?
They say "through thick or thin." Well, I think in our case it's "be happy when it's thick, and go nutters on him from time to time when it's thin by telling him he's 'not trying hard enough', until it's thick again."
I'm trying just as hard as I am now, than I was at the start of the year. Only now my salary is larger than yours, whereas back then my salary was nil. So what's the difference? Why were you more unhappy back then than now? It certainly wasn't the effort was it? It's the results that's appreciated right? Not the effort. Perhaps the though process here is that I go carry my body weight, and you go carry yours. Well, that's now how it works, if I'm wrong and it is; well, that's not how I want it to work.
I probably should spend most of my mental time someplace else now. I should follow my own advice, that some things are only problems when you think they are.
I think I'm starting to get allergic to all this.
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